Read my essay here. It covers business communications.
Audience Question: What are you anticipating the post-production process to be like, based on what you accomplished during the production phase?
I expect that my post-production phase will be spent adding voice to my current draft: as is, it may come across as a dry read. I have the information I wish to share, I just need to make it an attractive sell.
Author Response
Explain, with some specificity, your thoughts and feelings about the following:
- Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know
Currently, my draft lacks a conclusion and introduction: I will add those later.
- Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)
Any help on how to make my essay more interesting would be appreciated.
- Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)
I'd like to think that the writing of the essay itself is sound.
Content Suggestion:
ReplyDeleteAfter reading through your essay it seems you have a deep understanding of how writing and rhetoric is used in your major, however that understanding was more shown through a heavy reliance on your sources.
As a reader I was obviously impressed by the many quotes and ideas you pull from your sources- they show experience and real knowledge on the subject, however I wish you would establish your own personal credibility in the field as well.
I would just spend some time listing your own experience and familiarity with the subject in one of the opening few paragraphs. You could simply list how long you’ve been studying business and what your career goals are in the field. A simple explanation why you’re a good source to trust in terms of the information presented in the essay will help acquaint you with the reader and all them to trust you and your work.
If you follow these suggestions I think they could help you earn more points based on the rubric and overall improve the quality and clarity of your essay.
Hello Grant
ReplyDeleteI really like the descriptive language you use and a through usage of the content gained from the interviewees. The quotes are very effective and really let us know about how professionals in Business write.
Here are some suggestions on content:
1) Make sure to introduce the project. You jumped right into talking about one of your interviewees before we have any idea what the paper is about. This one is major!!
2) Also introduce the rhetorical concepts?
3) I'm sure you know you need a works cited.
Overall, great work!! There was a lot of information in there and I learned a lot about presentations!